Mother Teresa once said, “Loneliness has become an epidemic in America.” The quote was made several years before her death and still seems to have the timeless poignancy of a social truth that has yet to be proven wrong. After a lifetime of service to the very poorest of the world, Mother Teresa was said to possess the rare power of a gifted healer. There are those in Vatican City who are now attempting to have her canonized, which is understandable considering her enormous contributions to humanity by her decades of tireless commitment and social work. What she also possessed in large measure was good old-fashioned common sense, as illustrated by that very perceptive remark on American society.
The unfortunate reality is that loneliness has become an epidemic in America. Loneliness is a common life experience and very prevalent in American society, with our society’s focus on materialism and individual expression, and less focus or value placed on extended family and/or family loyalty.
The causes of loneliness are composed of the following five factors, which research has shown are generally consistent within various cultures: personal inadequacy, developmental deficits, unfulfilling intimate relationships, relocation and significant separations, and social marginality.
There are various forms of loneliness that many social groups are forced to contend with. And while one may presume that loneliness is a relative dynamic that anyone can relate to, the fact is that there are distinct differences regarding how an individual experiences loneliness. The loneliness a married mother of four experiences will be profoundly different from the loneliness experienced by, for example, a homeless person — man or woman.
The sad reality is that loneliness as experienced by the homeless can be far more complex and infinitely more toxic, due to the presence of multiple social stressors that act as constant forms of denial to the self. Current research indicates that the homeless experience loneliness for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways, that are markedly different from the rest of society.
Homeless men and women and increasingly more and more homeless children are typically shunned by most cultures and societies. Those who shun them often appear to fear that manner of fate. It’s as if they don't want to even consider their reality, for fear it may become a reality for them. The homeless are people with few and/or no social supports and often, as a result of having no positive role models to emulate, they can become deeply involved in street “families,” which can further entrench these people within an internalized mentality of chronic poverty. With chronic poverty and homelessness comes deeply felt and lingering sensations of painful loneliness.
All people attempt in their own way to overcome or contend with the emotional pain loneliness caused by social isolation can manifest. Most people, at least those with the means, will use more socially acceptable methods of dealing with loneliness, such as comfort food, movies, music, books or simply increasing one's social interaction with other people. The general populations of society also tend to suffer sensations of loneliness for very different reasons than do the homeless.
But how do homeless people contend with loneliness when they are feeling unloved, unwanted or rejected at every turn? Many times these people experience such a debilitating and constant sense of personal dejection and defeat due to being both homeless and lonely that they will use street drugs and alcohol to numb that very specific pain. A very sharp pang of loneliness that can hit a person right in the center of the chest.
It hurts. It often hurts to be alone and it most definitely hurts to be lonely.
According to Valerie, a homeless woman I interviewed, the hardest thing about being homeless was, “keeping your dignity, because you have no access to proper hygiene or good food, no public restrooms, no public baths.” She went on to say, “I felt very depressed, very sad, lonely, like there was no hope. I felt degraded, ashamed, and unwelcome.”
The fact is that being homeless is like a full-time job. The daily focus is on trying to find food, clothing, and personal hygiene. As the duration of being homeless increases, daily routines develop and adaptation for street life progresses, as does the homeless person’s relationship to the ever-present feeling of loneliness. Even if social interaction is present through other homeless people, feelings of loneliness may be an ever-present reality that is difficult to combat.
The feelings of loneliness experienced by the homeless can have very detrimental effects both for their emotional, spiritual and physical health. Loneliness has been linked to such maladies as depression, anxiety, hostility, alcoholism, poor self concept, psychosomatic illnesses, and even quickening the process of some kinds of cancer. Being lonely can literally kill people.
People on the streets, most of whom experience feelings of constant loneliness, have also been revealed through research to often grow up in dysfunctional homes that are characterized by emotionally distant or rejecting parents, psychological, physical and sexual abuse, and/or an atmosphere that is marred by chaos and general unhappiness due to overall poverty and lack of both money and food.
One method for many homeless people to overcome feelings of intense loneliness is to acquire pets. There are many homeless who are devoted pet owners, who have dogs and even cats that they take along with them on their travels. Sometimes for the housed, it can be difficult not to feel that homeless people might not be doing what is best for their pet. Many people have a hard time accepting the importance of pets on the streets and sometimes can become judgmental about this reality.
One interview I conducted with a homeless couple was especially illuminating as they told me that they find food for their dog before they eat. “We never eat before she does. We always get food for her first, because she's like a baby, she doesn't understand when she's hungry and there's no food. With us, we can deal with being hungry and we can wait.”
There are many methods in which people attempt to overcome the feeling of being lonely, but those who are homeless have the hardest task of all in that regard. Trying to maintain a sense of dignity and self respect while being homeless and also feeling the chronic ache of prolonged loneliness is a difficult and exhausting feat.
Perhaps if people can better understand the root causes of loneliness and what it must be like for a homeless individual, then this world could become a better more compassionate place. Until the good citizens of our cities recognize the huge population of lonely Americans, and most especially those who are also contending with homelessness, this social blight of millions of depressed and even suicidal Americans will not improve.
What is needed is a detached and sympathetic understanding of these issues and how they interact with each other. Perhaps then this world really can become a better place. The bottom line is, Judge not your neighbor until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.