Al* had pinned her against the bedroom wall and began choking her. Her prayers were answered again, and he released her, but not before she knew for sure that she had to get out.
Al and Claire* had been married for 10 years. For seven of those years, All had been physically and emotionally abusing Claire. The abuse started with name-calling and insults, but soon escalated to death threats and beatings. Of course, after each incident he was so sorry and promised to never give in to his violent tendencies again. He was often loving and kind to Claire and the children. However, once Claire feared for her life for even one moment, she no longer felt safe even when Al was at his best.
That night, after he fell asleep, she threw a few things in a bag, took her two children and left her home. She walked a few blocks to a gas station and found a pay phone. Using the small amount of change she had in her pocket, she called a few domestic violence shelters looking for a room for her family, but all the shelters were full. Tired, but too afraid to go home, she and her children spent the night in a nearby park. It was a chilly night and they had no food with them. The children finally cried themselves to sleep in her arms. She was grateful for their silence, as she feared attracting attention from the police or dangerous strangers. She had never felt so alone or desperate.
For the next several days, she continued to place calls to agencies that were too overwhelmed with requests for emergency assistance to provide her with any help. It seemed the children would get used to the routine, but instead, each day they cried more and understood less. They only remembered Al’s loving ways to them and begged to go home.
Eventually she was given the toll-free number to the Portland Women’s Crisis Line (PWCL). The advocate at PWCL told her what she already knew: All the domestic violence shelters were full, but the advocate knew of resource Claire hadn’t heard of before. Finally, there was a bit of hope in her heart.
As the PWCL advocate continued to work with her, Claire learned about restraining orders. Since she was married to Al, she was advised that one option would be to go back home and her husband would be forced to leave. The restraining order would also grant Claire temporary custody of her children.
Claire had never reported the abuse she experienced to the police because she was afraid it would only make the situation worse. Also, she always wanted to believe Al’s promises to change. As they talked, the advocate agreed that restraining orders aren’t always the best way to cope with domestic violence.
“There are several other resources that might be helpful in your case, Claire. For tonight, let’s get you and the children to a safe place and know that I’ll be available to continue helping you.”
Claire learned about the Temporary Assistance for Domestic Violence Survivors grant that was available through DHS. The grant would give her up to $1,200 to help pay for a safe place for her and her children. The Department of Human Services office was closed for the day, but the advocate was able to provide Claire with a voucher for an overnight stay in a motel. Claire also received information about free domestic violence support groups and agencies that offer long term case management to help survivors of domestic violence deal with the lasting effect of abuse. Claire found both compassion and resources at PWCL and with this information she was able to begin to start a new, safe life with her children.
The violence Claire experienced in her marriage left her with lasting physical and psychological scars, but it also damaged the community in which she lived. Domestic violence places additional strains on already overburdened law enforcement, mental health, and other social service agencies. Recent cuts to Multnomah County’s After-hours Emergency Food and Shelter Program, the closure of Rose Haven, (a center assisting women experiencing homelessness) and the elimination of space for single women at the Salvation Army’s Harbor Light shelter, have made it even more difficult for survivors of domestic violence to find the help they need.
The responsibility for addressing the problem of domestic violence does not lay solely with crisis intervention programs like PWCL. Preventing violence requires a coordinated community response. Prevention programs are needed in schools, and women leaving domestic violence relationships need access to models of healthy relationships to help stop the cycle of violence from repeating itself.
* The names have been changed to protect the privacy of these individuals.