Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Do you ever wonder if the ship you are steering is going in the same direction you thought — look inside yourself, ask for help and don’t be so damn proud. You can’t do it all, nor should you.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Protest, protest, protest!!! It won’t be long before the PTSD hitting people like bombshells in Iraq visits Portland’s streets. Don’t let this world make you crazy this month, say, "no more war!"
Taurus (April 21-May 21) Political slogans spray-painted on walls — hmm. Let’s punish those fuckers, huh? Nevermind the fact we live in a country that’s ruling the world with its military and big business. I mean, felonies for all the bad Germans, right?
Gemini (May 22-June 22) If tagging is in your art, love is in your heart, and you are an artist who spraypaints political slogans on private property — you are a bad, bad German. Anything goes, and the Freddies are always around. Stay low, and don't forget to laugh.
Cancer (June 23-July 23) Well, since my alter-ego probably wrote all long horoscopes, I’ll keep this one short. Be alive in March and dare to walk your talk.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23) This one should probably be shorter. Ah, I dunno. Make it up as you go. You might just end up as president of the United States one day.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23) The moons are bringing down your houses with applause, but the galaxy wants to know if you think you’re really making a difference. Find the answer this month, and the rest of the year will be a chartered course toward... umm…guess that depends on the answer.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23) There are cracks in the pavement, holes in the sky, and a gaping wound in the feel-good administration. Good deeds don’t have to pair with injustice, and the city doesn’t have to settle for sit-lie prohibitions just to herald in public bathrooms. Stand your ground.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) After that last experience, you’ve got to be wondering what your definition of fun is. What’s more important is what your definition of is, is. You either is, or you ain’t. In one wise father’s words, you’re either a man or an asshole. It’s time to decide.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22) You’re holding back when others are letting go. That’s what Soup Can’s hearing from one voice coming from deep inside of you. It’s the other one that’s the problem, and unfortunately, that’s the one you’re listening to. Shut the brat’s fat trap and let the other one sing.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 19) You don’t know what other people are thinking so stop trying to make up their minds.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) You pride yourself on being a listener, but you’re never happy with what you have to say on the matters. Take care of what you ingest and then it won’t smell so bad when you let it all out.
