Taurus (April 21-May 21) There’s a lot you’ve gotten away with by wearing blinders, but they don’t work for the big decisions you’re going to have to make some in the coming month. Take off the mask, state your name for the record and stand and be counted. Save the blindfolds for the bedroom.
Gemini (May 22-June 22) If there is one glimmer of hope, it’s that the Oregon Legislature can trigger impeachment of George Bush. Feels good just typing it. Tell your representative how you feel, and let’s get this national nightmare over with!
Cancer (June 23-July 23) Typically, your ethics would carry the day, but they’ve become mired down in politics. Someone’s profiting from crossing your wires, but it isn’t you.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23) Vote, before they don’t let you anymore.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23) It’s old, your grudge, too old for you to be clinging to it for oh so many weeks. Let it go and you should land on your own moral ground.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23) A fence is a fence is a fence, but never a neighbor’s rose smelled so sweet. Privacy is your May game, and you’ve got to play it just right or risk losing those friendships you’ve taken for granted for the past two years. They love you, but they don’t have to love all of you. You don’t, so cut them some slack and invite them inside some time.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) Hot! Hot! Hot you look in those new goucho-ee pant things. Too bad it’s just a trend. I mean, really, how far did you think the lemming pack would take you on your new identity? The nondescript thing was working for you, on the outside, anyway. It conserved your inner energy for the more important stuff.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22) Soup Can's got a new wedge! Now I can swing with the best of them, and for only $2 at a garage sale! Whoo hoo! Saving par from the tall stuff and flopping it on the greens like a shucked oyster! I’m swinging away just like you, baby, only I’ve got balls. Get some.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 19) Sheesh, you say. It’s already May! Get in gear and enjoy the year!
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) Forego poetry for awhile. It’s not working for you — or Soup Can, either, and it’s just killing Capricorn. What’s Cappy supposed to do with a horoscope like that?
Aries (March 21-April 19) There’s a reason bad ‘80s music remains on the radio. Every word of it is true, every hot child in the city knows it. It all really happened, along with Iran/Contra, pet rocks and parachute pants. You’ve got to own up to your misspent youth like the rest of us. That crappy soundtrack tells a cautionary tale.
