Elder accidentally
creates Perry Mason Facebook event
The granddaughter of a 68-year-old woman named Edith
recently taught her grandmother how to use Facebook.
“I was so excited and overwhelmed at the same time,” says
Edith. “I’m still confused about the difference between a post and a wall is,
but I’m trying.”
Edith says that while her granddaughter was excited about
teaching her how to use Facebook, she soon became distracted and frustrated
over the fact that “I couldn’t understand that searching in Google wasn’t apart
of Facebook.”
“One of the first things I did was check out my son’s
Facebook page and I was a little shocked to see all of the obscene things he
was liking,” says Edith. “I wrote a note
on his wall saying he should know better. He blocked me! Can you believe that?”
After more than 12 hours on Facebook, Edith says she wanted
to let her friends know that a new Internet program called Netflix had Perry
Mason reruns.
“I guess I accidently created an event,” says Edith. “I
don’t even know what a Facebook event is. Several of her grandkids called to
tell her to take the event off their walls. “In all my life, I’ve never had so
many family members mad at me. Over Facebook!”
The event was titled, “Perry Mason reruns on Netflix
everyone!”
Edith called he granddaughter frantically between midnight
and 2 a.m. that night, asking ask her to help stop the event.
“Now, she won’t even return my calls.”
“I’m so lost,” she said. “It’s so weird. I hate FaceBook,
but I just can’t stop looking at it.”
Charles Michael
“Chuck” Palahniuk writes new, pointless novel
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk is working on a new novel
titled “On the Edge of Cool.”
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk is an American novelist
best known for Fight Cubs and some Invisible Monsters book.
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk is hailed as one of the
greatest writers of an already forgotten generation. Generation Y.
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk describes his writing as
“transgressional fiction.”
One middle-aged fan from Cleveland who lives in his mother’s
basement said the description itself and Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk’s
writings have been very transformative in his view of the world.
It’s thought that Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk is in
the “trangressional” period of writing his latest novel “On the edge of cool.”
Besides a small group of literary elites (only to
themselves) it’s thought that no one in Portland actual cares what Charles
Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk writes.
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk could not be reached for
comment because it’s thought that he is still on the edge of cool. His
publisher says, “Once he gets back from writing the book he’ll have to cool
down for a bit before we release his hot goodness onto the literary scene.”
One critic realizing that Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk
is actually a University of Oregon journalism student (please), and hails from
Pasco, Wash. (really?), couldn’t understand what people actually saw in his
already forgotten novels. “He’s no freaking Steinbeck that’s for sure.”
On the edge of cool, written by Charles Michael “Chuck”
Palahniuk will hit the Internet this summer. It’s expected to be made into a
film by Gus Green Van Sant Jr. (yawn.)
The Willamette Week is expected to run an exclusive cover
story with Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk and Gus Green Van Sant, Jr.
titled, “On the edge of cool…”
Publishers say they expect to put several hundred thousand
dollars into the marketing of “On the edge of cool,” by Charles Michael “Chuck”
Palahniuk.
“The people who read this shit are like rats in a cage.
They’ll buy anything if you punch them in the face enough.”
This article is part of Street Roots’ annual satire edition released each year for April Fools Day.
This article appears in 2013-04-01.