President Barack Obama addressed the nation today in an open letter to Americans saying that they “aren’t exactly doing a good job either.”
In his press briefing on the matter in the Rose Garden, President Obama said that while he hasn’t actually accomplished many of the things he laid out in his 2010 presidential election bid, “neither had the majority of the people.”
“You carried me into the White House on a wave of hope, a wave of promise. Where is that promise today? What happened to your hope, people? You’re letting us all down.” He went on to use the 2010 elections as an example of how little hope people really had. “It’s a disappointment, to say the least,” he said.
The statement came after a difficult two years for the president, who had campaigned on a mission of change, and then didn’t change much. Obama didn’t take any questions after his statements, and instead quickly retreated back to the West Wing.
Asked about the president’s comments, Vice President Joe Biden told reporters in Europe that the American people, especially the left, “should chew their own asses for a while” for being so critical of the administration, and told reporters he backed the president’s comments.
“The American Left moans and groans when we are behind, and is behind when we are ahead,” Biden says. “I don’t so much fault the Defense Department or our foreign policy or extending the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s ability to spy on the American people. I don’t blame the Guatanamo Bay prisoners or the terrorists, even. I blame the American people for not having the courage to sacrifice their petty civil liberties at a time when American values are in peril overseas.”
Republicans, recognizing the White’s House’s gaffe went on Fox News to tell religious fanatics to stop talking to people who identify with Obama, especially black people and fans of Wilco.
Obama and Biden downplayed comments made by Republicans saying, “We’re all in this together, and that in the next two months, we will be unveiling a new plan to work together, even if it means working alone, to change the way people hope for change in the future.”
Note: SR writes a satirical edition of the paper each April 1.
