In a life filled with instability, fire has been a thematic constant for Mari. She became homeless most recently when her boyfriend was evicted from his apartment almost a year ago. A visitor lit a lighter under a fire suppression system, causing it to go off.
But fire is also her earliest childhood memory. She described setting herself on fire as a toddler.
“I found a lighter in my mom’s purse,” she said. “Everyone else was asleep. It was pink. Fuchsia. I started playing with it. My arm caught on fire first, then my torso, and I ran upstairs to my mom’s room, flames coming out. My mom threw me in the shower. I went to the clinic; my clothes had melted.”
Recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, the 37-year-old struggles with medical care and pain relief. Her condition makes it challenging to grasp doorknobs or open jars or bottles. She said it’s hard to do things for herself when her body hurts all the time. It’s also terrifying when her body fails her, she said. She worries a lot.
“I don’t feel like I have much longer with my body,” she said. “But I’m still alive, and there’s still time. If I don’t get it done, I don’t beat myself up. Sometimes you just gotta let it go.”
Another recent change is adjusting to life without her boyfriend of three years, who has been in jail since February. Although she has been a vendor with Street Roots for the past two years, she has been actively selling the newspaper only for five months, and she’s still finding her rhythm.
She described herself as a roving vendor. She wears signs and her badge to advertise, and she carries a couple of papers with her all the time – at Fred Meyer, Trader Joe’s and McDonald’s. She’s figuring out how to support herself financially and become independent. She said she feels empowered when she’s working.
Mari sees a bright future ahead. She plans to go back to school and earn her degree in social work. Previously, she worked for Central City Concern and The Salvation Army, and she found that work satisfying. She dreams of helping young single mothers. Her inspiration is personal. The mother of two daughters herself, both of whom were adopted by others, she understands the choices facing young mothers.
“Both my daughters have stability,” she said. “That’s important. It’s something I did not have.”
Her drive to help others is behind her dreams to become a social worker.
“You still have to help other people and give back,” she explained. “They don’t know their own self-worth. They don’t feel worth it. I do social work every day on the streets. I’m not a religious person, but I am very spiritual. I’m a child of God. My heart is optimistic, never harmful or malicious toward another human being.”
She also hopes for her own housing soon.
“Life feels pretty unstructured,” Mari said. “You need structure. It’s hard to take care of yourself when you don’t have structure. Everyone deserves food, shelter and water. The housing-first model works. When people start doing better things for themselves, they start doing better, and acting better. They change. Housing changes people.”
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