Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) They say life doesn’t come with an instruction booklet.
Well, it also doesn’t come with a map, compass or a protractor. So not only do
we not know what’s going on, we also don’t know where we are, where we’re
going, or how we’re supposed to get there. Go with the flow this year.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) To err is human, to
forgive, divine. This does not, however, apply to the playoffs. There is no
forgiveness in the playoffs. Yeah, I’m looking right at you, Rahim Moore.
Aries (March 21-April 19) The moon is in Aquarius
today. Or is it Pisces? I really can’t tell with these clouds blocking my view.
Why don’t you just go ahead and play it safe and avoid shellfish for the next
day or two.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) The celestial bodies show
that awards will be granted in all aspects of life (besides baseball). Whether you are in a supporting role or write
the script, you too can win. So stretch
and warm up: you are in the running to win (unless you played baseball).
Gemini (May 21-June 20) If the shoe fits, buy two
pairs.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) You never know who is
listening. This applies whether you want them to be or not. You just never
know.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) The stars have a bet on your
romantic expectations this spring. There will be lots of matter trading hands,
Soup Can predicts. Don’t feel self-conscious. There are seven billion people on
the planet – ours alone, and the moons are made of dice.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You will be surrounded by
funny noises this month. Not ha ha funny. Unusual funny. This will amuse you at
first, but you will soon grow annoyed, agitated and develop a low-level,
humming rage in your stem cells. You
will consider violence, but decide against it for the obvious reasons. And
before you know it, the month will be over, and the funny noises will stop to
make room for the grating voices. Those will be much more annoying. Hold tight,
and let’s reconnect in February.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Take the high road, this
month, and you’ll arrive in good shape.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22) There is a beautiful
glimmer coming out of the constellation Orion. I think that’s Betelgeuse trying
to send you a message. I hope you’re up on your interstellar Morse Code.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 23) Whew. What a week.
Neptune bumped into Uranus — or vice versa, I get them confused. But as I
observed it, having a nonviolent conversation was the right path — ahem —
orbit. And so, for you, dear reader, take a lesson: breathe deep, maybe take a
walk, and talk it out. Or, bump and bruise your way through.
Capricorn (Dec. 24-Jan. 19) Deny. Deny. Deny. Not
sure which astrologist you were listening too, but that is not the way to go.
Polaris points to truth-telling, and Oprah Winfrey’s couch.
This article appears in 2013-01-18.