In an early episode of “Star Trek,” Capt. Kirk and his crew meet an empath named Gem. Empaths are deeply affected by emotions. They even take on others’ wounds.
Terra Johnson said she relates to Gem. She reflected on a recent photo session in the Street Roots office, when a photographer snapped her photo and asked the routine question: “What does Street Roots mean to you?”
“This wave of emotion came over me,” she said. “I couldn’t even talk.
“It’s the eye contact, the cup of coffee in the morning. A warm pair of socks when you’ve been out on the streets all night.”
Terra knows and loves a lot of people. A friend was waiting for her outside the coffee shop while we were talking. Others came by our table with a greeting.
“I was a problem child growing up,” she said. “The school was a block from where my mom owned an art gallery, so she had me come over after school so I could work, which really meant so she could keep an eye on me. I graduated by a thread.”
Untreated attention deficit disorder, chronic depression and anxiety led to a difficult life.
“I can’t even count how many times I’ve started over,” she said.
Along the way, she said, “I lost a lot of acquaintances and too many friends. Amazing people. Like you felt the sun shouldn’t shine the next day because this person’s not here anymore.”
Terra worked at a mail company for years, as a supervisor for some of that time. It was a local business, and they loved her there.
“We had a lot of fun,” she said. “My best friend is an inkjet journeywoman. I’m very proud of her. She’s a single mom. Our sons are 6 months apart.
“I never thought I would have kids,” she said. “It was pivotal for me. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I started changing things.” She met a man in Alcoholics Anonymous. They were clean and sober for two years.
When her son was 6, Terra became pregnant again.
“Aaron and I were going to get married, he was going to adopt my son. We had this plan. We were building these layers.”
And then things started to pile up. Terra’s daughter was born with her skull fused together, giving her brain no room to grow. Doctors gave her five to eight years to live. At 6 months old, her daughter had surgery to correct the problem.
Then, Terra and the baby’s father were in a car accident. Her daughter, in her car seat, slept through the whole thing. But Terra incurred permanent spinal damage. She lost her job at the mail company. The warehouse had cement floors, and she couldn’t walk on them anymore.
About a year later, her boyfriend died of an infection.
“It was really hard on my son,” she said, “because he really loved that male bond. When Aaron died, it was just like a piece of my son went with him.”
Terra has been homeless since then. Her parents have adopted her children, now 11 and 17. Her daughter, the only one in the family with blue eyes like Aaron, says she sees her dad every day when she looks in the mirror.
“For Christmas, she put on a concert for me. She played me ‘House of the Rising Sun.’ I was so taken back. What 11-year-old picks that song?”
She’s not sure where her 17-year-old son is. He left home at Christmas.
“The focus was always for him and I to be reunited,” she said. “One time when he was about 13, he said, ‘Mom, when I’m 18, maybe you can live with me.’ And he’ll be 18 this year, and I never got a place.
“I was just talking with my friend – she’s at the shelter with me; she’s been a nurse for 25 years – and we were just, like, ‘How did we get here?’
“I have a lot of regrets. And now just being older, things are getting real. I’m very aware of time passing. But I don’t feel as broken as I did when I was younger. I still battle anxiety and depression, but I can walk it back and say, ‘OK, Terra, you have a bed to sleep in tonight, and you have a bus ticket. You’re OK right now.’
“And Street Roots gives me a purpose without having to punch a time card if my back hurts. I like engaging with people. It’s easy to say, ‘That’s a beautiful scarf; you look beautiful today’ without pushing a sale at them.
“And I can’t even tell you how many mornings that cup of coffee at Street Roots has made my whole day better, that feeling that everything’s going to be OK.”
You can find Terra selling Street Roots near Powell’s City of Books on West Burnside Street.
© 2019 Street Roots. All rights reserved. | To request permission to reuse content, email editor@streetroots.org or call 503-228-5657, ext. 404.
Street Roots is an award-winning, nonprofit, weekly newspaper focusing on economic, environmental and social justice issues. Our newspaper is sold in Portland, Oregon, by people experiencing homelessness and/or extreme poverty as means of earning an income with dignity. Learn more about Street Roots