Insiders at City Hall say that 84-year-old Charlie Hales
woke up on Monday morning and forgot he was mayor.
“There’s no need to worry,” says one of Hales’ three staff
members. “He told people all along not to expect the status quo.”
Hales, who is responsible for introducing Portland’s
streetcar, also known as the “Horse and Buggy Express,” says he’s perfectly
comfortable forgetting things. “Remember Washington?”
“It’s not uncommon,” says one smug media consultant. “Both
Bud Clark and Tom Potter forgot they were mayor on more than one occasion.
Sometimes for long stretches.”
The consultant also says that even former Mayor Sam Adams
doesn’t “remember” certain details about his first month in office. Most of Portland forgot Vera Katz was mayor at times.
Hales’ three staff declined to give details saying they were
so overwhelmed with running the city that they didn’t think anything of Charlie
not coming to work that day.
Majority of young
Portlanders think Adams still mayor
A survey or Portland residents ages 14 to 24 shows that 63
percent think Sam Adams is still mayor.
Nearly all said they don’t read newspapers, but get their
news from social media such as Twitter and Facebook.
“Sam’s alright,” said one smartphone user being seen at a
popular dumpling shop. “His Tweets keep me informed of what he’s doing at City
Hall and stuff.”
Adams didn’t run for reelection. Charlie Hales became mayor
of Portland this year.
“I think Sam’s been good for the city,” said another
youthful supporter with income potential. “I’m glad he’s out there online to
talk to the people. He’s really responsive to what people have to say. I like
that in a mayor.”
Another bespectacled bystander said her friends back in Ohio
have become Adams’ newest fans, thanks to reruns of “Portlandia.”
“They say it must be so cool to have a hip young mayor,” she
said. “I tell them, ‘Yeah, it is.’”
This article is part of Street Roots’ annual satire edition released each year for April Fools Day.