Street Roots Editorial
You know, we were just about to give up on writing
editorials. That whole economic/social justice thing is exhausting when no one
is paying attention.
And then, Christmas came early – or actually a little late.
Maybe it was Easter that came early, whatever.
The local Chamber of Commerce clumsily rolled out their
plans. Like a big fat machine scene coming a mile away over the horizon — sit-lie had returned!
Like all of you, we find parsing out the square inches of
our public sidewalks simply fathomless for entertainment, worth talking about
ad nauseam, which is where it tends to go.
Sadly, we had almost given up writing about our favorite
subject two years ago when the latest version of the sidewalk management
ordinance went into play. Discussions turned to solutions of homelessness and
affordable housing. It was so boring.
Thank goodness the issue is getting a revamp, and a
right-rounded good one at that! The talk is that folks are going to try to ban
all kinds of activities in our city’s commons, and we all know that’s good
business for everyone! Watch out skateboarder kids. You time here is limited.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. If this battle is
going to have the savory splendor of sit-lies’ past, people will have to step
up their game. These arguments won’t run in circles all by themselves! City
Hall can fill all the potholes it wants, as long as it keeps digging itself
deeper when it comes to overregulating downtown foot traffic!
Until then, we’ll look for other things to write about, but
nothing has quite the visceral zing of arguing the 8-foot versus 10-foot
thoroughfare high pedestrian zone delineations, or the subtleties inherent in
defining predictable sidewalk topography as it relates to A-boards, sundry
business signs and trendy wrought iron butt perches. We know you understand.
So while we wait for the biological waste to hit the fan,
we’ll continue chucking out the news of the day, although few issues have the
same energy as sit-lie. Budgets are lame. Health care is a no-brainer, unless
it’s fluoride, and then it’s a no-brainer no-brainer. Explaining the housing
crisis actually takes work and stories of humanity, perseverance and survival
are usually best told through sidewalk issues anyway.
So bring on sit-lie — the businesses in pain, the homeless,
the dogs, the advocates, the feet and inches of contention, the deserving and
the undeserving, the perceptions and reality, the lawyers and civil rights
arguments! Summer 2013 is going to be the best sit-lie season yet! We can’t
wait!
This article is part of Street Roots’ annual satire edition released each year for April Fools Day.
This article appears in 2013-04-01.