Opinion | I am a mother and a teacher. Tear gas and bulletproof vests are not my normal.
I’ve been to scores of protests. I’ve experienced violence by police. And I’m terrified. The mayor and police chief aren’t hearing Portland’s BIPOC voices.
The Kids March for Black Lives goes through Portland’s Sunnyside neighborhood Aug. 25. Credit: Photo by Marcelle Donehower
George Floyd’s tragic and unnecessary death hit me in the heart and the gut. While I wasn’t surprised, his grotesque murder added another layer to the already building grief and anger that surround the great inequity of having dark colored skin in this country. While systemic racism is not unique to the U.S., we have a troubled history and a foundation built on the genocide of Native Americans and enslavement of Africans.
I joined the Black Lives Matter protests on the fifth day after George Floyd’s murder by Minneapolis police.
I remember being terrified. Terrified of the police helicopter overhead, terrified that counter-protesters might attack.
I was also terrified of COVID-19. I have two young kids, both who have congenital heart defects, and knowing so little about the virus, we were taking every precaution. My heart breaking and mind spinning, I finally made the decision to step out and make my voice heard.
Even after joining more than 65 demonstrations in 90-plus days, sometimes two a day, I am still terrified at times after experiencing the contempt the Portland police have for this civil rights movement. I see the depths of racism in our institutions and feel empowered and determined to push as hard as I can, in as many ways as I can, to dismantle systemic racism not only in policing, but in all areas of our society.
Marcelle Donehower is a native Oregonian, mother of two young children and an elementary school teacher.
The incredible breadth of experiences I’ve had, and the inspiration from hearing so many BIPOC voices in our community, keeps me inspired to do all I can to achieve racial justice. Living in progressive Portland, I hoped our city’s leaders would take action and would rise to meet this momentous occasion in the fight for civil rights. Instead, Mayor Ted Wheeler and Police Chief Charles Lovell fail to listen and inadequately address the change called for by so many.
As an Oregonian with brown skin, I shouldn’t have expected anything different based on Oregon’s historic treatment of our BIPOC (Black, Indigenous and Persons of Color) communities. It is a state steeped in racism from its inception, when it excluded Black Americans from living here.
Growing up in Oregon, I know what it feels like to be unwelcome and unsafe. I am biracial with heritage from Guatemala, Mexico and Northern Europe.
I experience overtly racist comments and actions. I experience microaggressions often. I experience the impact these incidents have on my confidence day in and day out. I know what it is like to have negative experiences with strangers as well as people who “know” me, including family.
I am the mother of two young children and feel the need to create a better world for our youth. I am also an elementary school teacher with 13 years of experience working to understand systemic racism and white supremacy and how to dismantle it in the classroom. I have had to face my own implicit biases and change damaging teaching practices.
Systemic racism pervades all aspects of our society. The current focus is on police departments and the prison industrial complex. Portlanders are calling for change, and the mayor is failing.
Wheeler is not only the figurehead and tone setter for our city, but also the police commissioner.
Most recently and most deplorably, on Aug. 29, Portland police allowed the Trump rally motorcade and Proud Boys, a far-right Neo-fascist organization that admits only men as members and promotes and engages in violence, to descend on Portland to instigate violence. The Trump supporters assaulted Black Lives Matter counter-protestors with their vehicles and Mace, and some engaged in fist fights. A right-wing activist was shot and killed.
I got downtown late because I was putting my babies to bed, but there were still some Trump supporters around at 9:30 p.m. One tried to hit me while I walked in a crosswalk where I had the legal right of way. Many of these incidents were witnessed by police who stood by and did nothing. The bureau even sheltered Joey Gibson, Patriot Prayer leader and violence inciting agitator, while he talked on the phone, and then police escorted him to his car. At the press conference the following day, Wheeler did not address the issues with his police force but instead deflected and blamed the violence on President Trump.
In addition to last Saturday’s horrendous display of support for Proud Boys and Trump supporters by police, Mayor Wheeler was silent for more than two days after the Aug. 22 incident where Proud Boys brawled with BLM protesters. The Proud Boys beat protesters with pipes and brandished firearms while police stood and watched. Portland Police Bureau clearly chose not to intervene, and its official statement blamed the Black Lives Matter protesters for exhausting their resources, and therefore they were unable to respond adequately.
Wheeler’s silence speaks volumes in support of the racist police system, and it is time that he relinquishes the role of police commissioner to Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty, who has asked multiple times for this position and has a lifetime of professional experience around police accountability.
During the first month of protests, I primarily attended the Rose City Justice large scale marches. I also joined the marches for Disarm PSU Now. But, I sought out other ways of creating change such as signing petitions, donating to organizations like the Black Resilience Fund, getting involved politically with getting-out-the-vote letter writing and contacting my elected officials about policies I support.
The website www.pdx-blm-events.com and its Instagram page are incredible resources for ways to support the movement, including ways for children to get involved.
I also joined a workgroup for the city’s Citizen Review Committee, and I testified at a Portland State University board meeting about disarming campus security and at City Council in support of a ballot measure to increase police accountability. Most recently I spoke for an hour with the mayor’s police liaison, Robert King, and I continue to write and call my elected officials.
There is an incredible level of community care and involvement that has been consistently provided at the hundreds of protests in 90 days and counting — groups such as Portland Resistance Assistance, Snack Bloc PDX, PDX Mutual Aid, Frontline Medics, Our Streets PDX, Medic Bloc PDX, Fingers Crossed Interpreting and security teams who provide food, water, medical aid, ASL services and de-escalation support. There are individuals caring for one another in a variety of ways, as we would hope our police officers would do.
Even before President Donald Trump sent the Department of Homeland Security to Portland, I was concerned with the Portland Police Bureau’s tactics and excessive use of force. Portland police are arresting press and confiscating their equipment. There is now a court order restricting the bureau’s interaction with journalists and observers, but I still see journalists assaulted, arrested and Maced.
As the federal saga unfolded and snowballed, I got a respirator from a friend, my kid’s swim goggles and earplugs, and an old skating helmet I had in high school. Over the two weeks the feds were in charge, either my husband or I attended the downtown protests every night.
Even with the respirator, I have experienced health impacts from the tear gas such as abnormal menstrual bleeding and headaches. Tear gas is banned by the United Nations as a weapon used in war. Due to a loophole in the U.N.’s ban, it does not prevent governments from using it on their own citizens. In Portland, there is a temporary restraining order on police use of tear gas, but the bureau continues to use it when it declares a protest a riot.
In addition to the effects of tear gas, I suffered from the immense stress of being on the front lines. For the first week, my body twitched uncontrollably when trying to sleep. When I did sleep, it was only for a few hours at a time. I was scared to walk alone even in my inner Southeast Portland neighborhood knowing that the feds were grabbing people off the streets. I bought a bulletproof vest and military-grade goggles and was given a cowl to protect my skin from the Mace and tear gas.
I am a 36-year-old mother of two and an elementary school teacher. This is not my normal reality.
Left: Children march in a Families Marching for Black Lives protest Aug. 23 in the Boise-Eliot neighborhood, a historically Black and gentrified section of Portland. Right: Marcelle Donehower’s daughter participates in a Fridays 4 Freedom youth-led march Aug. 7 in downtown Portland.
It was ironic when Wheeler went on national TV and condemned the feds’ actions without acknowledging how the Portland Police Bureau was using the same terrorizing tactics on protesters even before the feds came to town. Now, with Proud Boys in our community, Portland police do nothing when protesters promote white supremacy while waving loaded guns and weapons at unarmed crowds. Infuriatingly, only a few hours later, police declared an unlawful assembly when the Portland community demanded racial justice at the East Precinct and a few paintballs were shot.
Police officers have shoved me with sticks, almost threw me down stairs, teargassed, Maced and grabbed and dragged me by the arm before being thrown to the side.
I have gotten mad. I have called some names, but mostly I’ve asked, “Why?” While being shoved from behind by one officer and aggressively told to “move” while complying with their directions, walking on the sidewalk and with others in front of me and unable to move faster, I asked, “Do you have a conscience?” His reply was to shove me again with his stick.
I weigh 115 pounds and am 5 feet, 2 inches tall. It’s hard to see me as a threat, but my presence at these protests, exercising my First Amendment right, gives police reason to throw me around and threaten to arrest me.
How can Wheeler not see the injustices of his police force when just a week before, he was condemning the feds for the same actions? It’s because systemic racism and white supremacy run very deep in our communities.
There is little accountability for Portland police misconduct. The Police Bureau polices itself. I have video footage of police officers refusing to show citizens their ID number and using excessive violence in responding to protests. I have submitted a formal complaint with the city’s Independent Police Review, as have hundreds of others in our community. The problem with the Independent Police Review is that it isn’t truly independent, and therefore likely nothing will come of my complaint.
The measure for a new community police oversight board that’s on the November ballot puts forward a better system for police accountability, and I am grateful to Hardesty and her team for making this a priority.
Another system failure is how Portland police often cite property damage as a justification for deploying tear gas and using excessive force. They appear more concerned with protecting property over people, or at least brown and Black people.
I have come to see that Wheeler’s words and actions, along with Lovell and his bureau, do not respect the incredible breadth of protests being held and the BIPOC voices speaking out across our community.
Wheeler and Lovell, time and time again, have shown that the protests they choose to focus on are those that are more volatile, and their message is to ask those attending to stop.
To de-escalate the tensions in our community, the Portland Police Bureau and mayor need to truly start listening and set a new vision for change by taking more action. While I understand their need to condemn violence, police tactics escalate much of the violence when police presence clashes with the protesters.
While to some, all these protests may seem futile with the lack of meaningful change that has occurred, I am greatly encouraged by the immense amount of movement in the direction of liberating Black Americans and truly creating social change to uproot our racist systems.
I’ve seen family marches led by inspiring and powerful youths, nurses’ vigils, Nike and Market of Choice employees protesting racist policies, artists creating art in the spirit of racial justice, thousands marching on Interstate 84, vigils honoring those taken tragically and unnecessarily, battlefields with shields, tear gas falling from the sky, people screaming for medics and countless strangers helping those in need. This watershed of events happening in Portland — up to 10 a day — gives me hope.
As leading scholar on racism, Ibram X.Kendi wrote: “Individual behaviors can shape the success of individuals. But policies determine the success of groups.”
This is where our city, and especially Wheeler as mayor and police commissioner, has failed us. We need a leader who will truly see and embrace the community and take substantial action for the policy changes needed to create a more equitable society.
To access social justice resources and action items Marcelle Donehower collated, visit linktr.ee/MarcelleJ
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