Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Clack away at your
keyboard, but don’t forget there is a world outside of your cubicle for you to
explore. Everything’s on track — isn’t it time to check out that new produce
market down the street?
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Get out of your house today and use your tail to spear the gear for your
new project. You’ve got the daring to get it done, but you already knew that.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your intuition has proven correct. Delayed gratification is gratification
all the same.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Upon hearing the recent news of Ms. Kardashian’s pregnancy, Soup Can
ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but would advise Mr. West to get some prenup
(‘cause when she leaves your ass, Kanye, she’s gonna leave with half).
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Storm the gates this week. Everyone expects it, and people secretly
desire to join you. Make some noise, like the mighty waterfall you are.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) It’s time for a purge. That hole-y sweater you got in college and carried
through six moves, that you think has sentimental value because your
significant other barfed on you while you were wearing it on your third date (a
house party on State Street) — yeah, it’s disgusting. And you haven’t worn it
for three years. When in doubt, throw it out.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Lost your way? Try a deep clean before you complain or seek alternate
means of guidance. You’re not being babysat, after all. Some shit stains
need to be wiped away before moving forward. To the bathroom!
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You run the show, but not everyone does it alone — even you know that.
Got a Gemini squawking in your ear? Take advantage of what they have to say.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) There is no reason to be displeased with a job well done. Just because
you’re stoic doesn’t mean you can’t crack a smile and have the occasional
celebration.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22) Your diplomatic ways have paid off. They are convinced. Pick up that
phone and go for it!
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 23) Haven’t been keeping up? Soup Can sees new life which will likely be the
heir to the throne. Better keep watching it.
Capricorn (Dec. 24-Jan. 19) At the end of the day there are two colors: red and black. You are also
another day older. But keep on dreaming. It’s an epic tale.
This article appears in 2013-02-15.