Gemini (May 21-June 20) Yes, the trees talk to each other, in chemicals not words. (It’s good for the neighborhood watch, actually, since fewer crimes are reported in more heavily wooded neighborhoods.) Try it sometime and see what conversations you can spark.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Shut out about 80 percent of the crap people try to push at you and you’ll come out ahead by the end of June. The line between what’s real and what’s false isn’t necessarily the same as the one between truth and lies.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You make better food than most of the lunches you buy during the week. And the bench in the park has a better view. Spend your pleasures judiciously and they will reward you with every step.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) It’s Rose Festival time once again, dear Virgo, and Mercury isn’t in retrograde quite yet. So load up on all the elephant ears and carnival rides your stomach can handle.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Speaking of the Rose Festival, Soup Can is still a tad bummed that he wasn’t chosen to be a Royal Rosarian. If a lumbering pachyderm can be an honorary Grand Marshal, I think this flowery fountain of foreshadowing can be a Rosarian. I await your calls, good guardians of the Grand Floral Parade!
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22) There is candy and there is candy. Avoid both this coming month. Stick to the fruits of your labor for true satisfaction, and apply the term labor with liberal indulgence.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 23) Paraphrasing someone’s smart works, the best families didn’t grow up in the same house. Don’t get hung up on the blood. Embrace the universal bosom.
Capricorn (Dec. 24-Jan. 19) It’s almost summer so why haven’t you done your spring cleaning yet? Those empty pens you’ve been saving for three years because you wanted to consciously recycle them? You’re not going to. Throw them out. The letters you’ve been saving for six years but haven’t read? Sentimentality day was yesterday. Recycle them. It will feel so much better to declutter your space.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Believe it or not, there is a giant trophy with your name on it out there in the universe. Soupy here can’t quite make out the inscription, but you must have done something of merit in recent weeks. Try to remember it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) You are the fish of the astrological world but that doesn’t mean you have to keep going around in circles. Set a course for adventure and don’t stop swimming until you find it.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Werewolves will appear in your life in the coming weeks. Sounds alarming now, but you won’t be surprised when they turn up. Go with the flow and don’t walk with a limp. You do not want to look weak or slow over the fortnight.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Stain more, paint less.
This article appears in 2013-06-07.